


All I See Is Scars

by obeythesithqueen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry is a sad muffin, I literally just found this on my computer, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, eating disorders (implied), guilt complex, post-Season 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11060889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obeythesithqueen/pseuds/obeythesithqueen
Summary: Dr. Wel--no, Eobard's last words to Barry were ingrained in his skull. They haunted his nights, and clouded his days. Every time things started to go his way, those words echoed in the back of Barry's mind, an ever-present reminder or his future. "You will never be truly happy."





	All I See Is Scars

_ You will never be truly happy _

 

The words echoed off of the walls of his skull, ringing and pounding over and over and over. _Your fault. Your fault. Your faultyourfaultyourfault._ Some hero he turned out to be. Barry gripped the edges of the porcelain vanity tightly, his knuckles matching the pale marble counter. It was all his fault. Eddie, Ronnie, his mother…Everything that happened was his fault. His shoulders shook harshly as rough, ugly sobs tore free from his throat, salt streams pouring down his face dripping almost soothingly onto the ivory sink. He probably looked like a mess, snot and tears running down his face, but he didn’t dare look up. He couldn’t look in that mirror--couldn’t face the person he saw in his reflection. It was too much--too…unblemished. For all the things he has done, he had no way to show for it--no scars, no marks--, his enhanced healing washing away all evidence of his sins.

 

“Barry, are you okay?”

 

“What’s the matter, Bear? You look like skin and bones,”

 

“Are you getting enough sleep?”

 

“Are you eating enough?”

 

“It’s not your fault, you know,”   
  


“Barry. Would you please just look at me?”

 

He didn’t register their concerns; he didn’t deserve them. He didn’t deserve loving friends and family when people died because of him. He didn’t deserve to be appreciated. He didn’t deserve to be the Flash. Not when he failed--when he kept failing. Heroes were supposed to be strong and save the day. They weren’t supposed to be selfish and be responsible for so many deaths. So many….

 

_ Yourfaultyourfaultyourfaultyourfault _

 

Why did he even try when just made everything  _ so _ much worse?! Everyone had to pay the price because Barry decided to play hero. Hell if he never became the Flash, Dr. Wells or Eobard or whatever his name really was, would have never travelled back in time. His mom would still be alive, Eddie would still be alive, Ronnie…Everyone who died in the particle accelerator explosion would still be alive. 

 

His hand slipped off of the porcelain, his forehead smacking painfully into the vanity. The pain was sharp, but he barely registered it, feeling the growing lump on his head throb. Good. Good, he fucking deserved this, even though it would heal within the next half hour. Blood? Even better. He didn’t treat the gash in any way, shape, or form--only watched with a disgusted fascination as the blood trickling down his cheeks gradually slowed to a stop, spotless tissue blossoming over the now healed laceration. If only everyone else could see the disgusting scars underneath. How would the react if they saw the disfigured monster hiding under his unblemished, ever-healing skin?

 

_ You will never be happy. _

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I'm alive? It's only been like what, 3 years....Yeah college is a thing. A very time consuming and difficult thing. I'm gonna try to write some more, but who knows what'll happen. I literally found this guy on my google drive. I don't even remember writing it. Oh well, enjoy!
> 
> Title is taken from "Skin" by Sixx:A.M., though I changed "they" to "I".


End file.
